Boring

So, nothing has happened since last post. Literally, nothing. Went to a cookie exchange (Thursday) with a couple people from work and a bunch of people I did not know. Then went to dinner with Susie the next day with one of her friends and a bunch of people I did not know. Turns out a few of them were Jesus freaks. I have nothing against Jesus or people who love him but I am not used to eating dinner with 6 of them, and I felt a little out of place and had to be careful what I said. Saturday I literally went to work in the morning and slept the rest of the day cause I stayed up way to late Friday night with Chase. Sunday I went to work and went to Jeremy and Megans so Megan could cut my hair. That was pretty fun Asa, Gretchen, and Little Asa where there as well as Chase and David. We had pizza, I got my hair cut and then we watched some football. Yesterday, Monday, I went to JoJo's she and mom where cleaning the house. Not exciting. I went to work last night to sit with Chase while he bartended and we watched the 49ers, Cardinals game. Bad game. Chase ended up getting knocked out of his Fantasy Football playoffs because of the game. He was very upset. But other than that it was fun. I ate dinner there my norm, blackened chicken caesar.
Today I got up late, went to WalMart and did a little cleaning. Next I am going to get my sisterinlaw and we are going to finish Christmas shopping. Tomorrow Ill be having lunch with Jim, he is in town for the holiday, and I get to meet his girl finally. Then I have work tomorrow night, Thursday morning, and dbls on Friday and Saturday and work Sunday morning. Plus there is a surprise party for Jim Saturday night which I will not make it to until I get off work. I have to work Friday and Saturday night because Jordan is having surgery on Friday and no one else can do her job. Blah. Thats my life!

So, nothing happened really since my last blog. I worked a lot over the weekend and it wasnt that eventful. Made a little money but I can always use more. I took my finals yesterday. Really it was halfway pointless. I needed an A on both tests to get an A in the classes, and if I got anything but an A then I would get a B in the classes. On my math test I didnt ace it but I didnt fail it. So, we will have to see how it goes. I was a little upset with myself because some of the questions I just didnt remember how to even approach. Even with the index card full of equations we were allowed I still couldnt figure them out. Blah. But then I felt pretty good about my last A&P test. It was a little easier than I thought. The teacher even already posted the results! I got an 87 which was just high enough! I got an A in the class! I got a 91! I couldnt believe it. I am really excited, that class was a lot of work. I really hope that I get an A in the math class because I have had an A the entire time and it will be very disappointing to get a B now.
Things with Chase have been really good. I am very happy and we are doing well. He has been trying to get me to tell him what I want for Christmas and its not that I dont want to tell him its that I really dont know. We had a conversation about it and it was hilarious. Basically, he says if I dont tell him like 4 pages worth of things that I want then he is getting me a shower caddy and and cat with 8 kittens. Yes, thats right. A shower caddy and a cat, with kittens. 8. It was the funniest moment ever when he suggested shower caddy. I laughed for 5 minutes. I even told him he could get me something to wear, thats not a t-shirt. Or a purse, or a necklace. Then yesterday I suggested those shoes for your butt, the Reebok EasyTone. I kinda want them the most unless he gets me some jewelry. You know until now I never wanted jewelry from a guy, but now I do. I think it does all have to do with the guy. Did I tell you what I got him? Shoes, cause his are falling apart and a little hurricane type pipe. I think I am going to get him another little thing too. Just to go ahead and spend $100, just in case. I want us to be even on what we get.
Well, I am done with school and only have work Thursday through Sunday, so I am trying to keep myself busy and occupied but its not easy. At least tomorrow I am going to do something with my JoJo so that will be good. Until next week....

This will be short

Friday night I ended up going to work and eating my obsession, caesar salad with blackened chicken. I cant stop eating it I have a minimum of three a week sometimes up to 2 more. Then I went home because Chase had to close for Davey cause he hurt his back. Saturday I worked a dbl. That morning I made a little money, then I came back at 430 to host and closed the host stand, Kevan wanted to leave early and what do I care. But I didnt stay late and hang out cause the bar was too full. Chase was supposed to serve, but Davey called in again so he had to bartend then close the restuarant as the MOD. Sunday was another dbl, it ended up being a fairly profitable day. I served both shifts. When I came back that night Chase was behind the bar, yep thats right, Davey called in again and Alexis wouldnt stay cause she had finals to study for and homework. But I can understand that because I had to take my flash cards of muscles to work with me Sunday night. I ended up staying there a little later than I should have. Zach Ryan was up there drinking so when I got off he wanted me to come sit with him at the bar. So, I hung out with Chase, Zach, and Hunt for a bit watching the Steelers game. Today I spent the whole day studying and taking tests. First, I had my last regular math test, and I think I got my first B on a test in that class to date on it. But oh well I should still get an A in there. Then I went to mom's and read my flash cards like a thousand times while she put lights on the Christmas tree. Once I went back to school I had my second to last A&P test, it was a lab test over muscles and once it was over I felt like I did better than I thought I would. I think I should have got a B with the 10 points extra credit from the sheep brain dissection last week.
As for the rest of the week... No real plans, dinner with Pat either tomorrow or Thursday, SoA season final 10pm tomorrow, work Thursday -Sunday am, and studying for those finals on Monday. Thats it! My life is boring...

A little early this week...

So, I figure Ill let you know how things have been going this week since I am bored and thats not looking like its going to fix itself any time soon. Went to school on Monday, Tuesday did nothing really. I went shopping and Chase came over to watch SoA and then we hung out til all hours of the night. In general it was a good day. Wednesday I skipped one of my classes cause I only had one that was meeting and I couldnt bring myself to go down there that evening. Its the only class I have missed all semester so I guess I deserve it. Then that afternoon Kevan called from work and wanted me to come in and host for him so I did, screw it I needed the money and had no plans. Then came Thursday, the infamous Turkey Day.
Well, my dads family came here. First, my dog freaked out when my aunt and her husband showed up, so I decided he would be banished to my room this year. Then, when Kurt showed up Diana freaked out and cried the first 30minutes they were here, straight. He said she was fine all the way here and the walk up to the porch, but he sether down on the porch to open the front door and she started crying and would not stop. She finally stopped when my cousin Toni got over with her kids, one which is just a little older than Diana and one that is a little younger. When Diana saw other kids and that they werent being stupid she stopped crying. After that it was just normal I guess. My uncle Harold was kinda mean to my dad he was just joking around but it was mean and my dad isnt feeling so great still right now cause of the whole not working and holidays thing. Finally everyone left at 3 and I had a whole 30minutes to myself before I needed to leave for JoJos. I headed over there and things were fine, but once I got there I was just demotivated. I dont know why. I just couldnt even come up with real responses to questions, theyd ask something, esp mom, and I would just say yeah or no but not really elaborate. I dont even know what my deal was. I had to leave by 745ish so I could be at work shortly after we opened at 8. This is a whole new story.
Work was supposed to be really busy we bought all this extra beer, had a second bar set up in the other room. Had a band playing and 7 people working plus 2 on the door. Well, this was not necessary. It got busy but not as busy as we thought. We made more money than last Thanksgiving night, but it warrant all of us being there. Last year we did it with literally 5 employees and this year we had dbl which was just too much. So, this of course turned into money issues. Most people were thinking they would walk with a ton of tips and that did not happen. And there were some arguements and outbursts and people were all in all just not happy. I tired to just opt out of the tip out, I didnt want to be part of the problem. I was clocked in and got to drink so why should I care about 30 bucks. Had we all made a ton of money that would be different. But I could have let my money be split between everyone else. Chase was super pissed at Alexis. He is determined to get her fired. Which honestly she deserves that, not from last night, but in general cause she has made a lot of bad decisions while at work and there were at least 3 times she should have been fired for already. This just ended up being the icing on the cake of him being fed up with her and now he cant stand her and doesnt want to have to work with her ever again. Man, oh did i mention we didnt leave work until after 330? Cause I definitely didnt get home until 430. But Chase, Davey, and I did go have some White Castle before going home.
On the ride home, I got to see all the crazy bitches going out shopping. The Summit was packed! All these people at the gas station were all dressed up getting their coffee. You people are crazy. Maybe one day I will eat my words and go out for the deals when I have a family of my own. But I have worked in the mall on MANY Black Fridays and currently I have no intention of going out with all those crazy women and fighting for the last Elmo.
I am hungry, I am going to try to find someone to eat dinner with. If I fail I am going to work to eat, cause I have nowhere else to go and its cheaper that way. Dad went to his girl friends for dinner and I had Thanksgiving leftovers for my lunch/breakfast today. So, I am not in the mood for it again. Being that I have had turkey 3 meals out of 4 the last two days. Ill probably let you know Sunday if anything exciting happens from tonight until then but I doubt it. Tomorrow I work a double, then I work brunch Sunday morning and I realy need to study for my muscle test. I have not been putting in the time I need to for that. But for now, food.

Tough Weekend

So, last week there was nothing. Just school and work. Until Friday, I worked on Friday morning and Jordan had asked me if I could work for her hosting on Friday night which I said I would. So, I served in the morning and came back to host. When I got off I went to sit at the bar, I had a few drinks with Piper and Sarah. Then Chase took me home and thats when shit hit the fan. I dont even know how but things went from us having a great night, happy, joking, flirting, to me questioning everything between us and some mean things were said on his part and then I told him I would just never ask for anything ever again. I dont want to get into the particulars of the conversation but it was all just stupid. Unfortunately, for myself, I had told Will I would serve for him on Saturday night and Kevan I would host for him on Sunday night. Which means I was working 3 dbls in a row (being that I was scheduled to serve Sat and Sun mornings) and I was going to be with Chase on Saturday and Sunday night because he was managing both shifts. It was absolutely ridiculous. I literally would not talk to him, I would not look at him, if he was in the room I would walk out. I only spoke to him if I HAD to. He knew how mad I was but didnt bother to ask until Sunday night. Then I basically started crying but held it back cause I was still working. Finally, when I got off I asked him to come outside with me for a minute so we could talk. Well, I cried and said a lot of things I needed to say. Then he finally said a few things that I needed to hear. He apologized like 3 or 4 times maybe even more I stopped keeping track. But things are better. I feel better about "us" and I get it I get "us" and even if no one but he and I do then who cares we know what this is we get it and we are happy. I wish I could put things into words to explain everything to people better, but I just hope everyone can trust what I know and say and be happy that I am ok with things as they are.
This week, I have school today, then I am off Tuesday and Wednesday from work and school. Thursday of course is Thanksgiving, which we will have the family here at the house and then I will go to JoJos and then I will go to work. Yes, work. I will be working from approx. 830pm to 4 am on Thanksgiving. But it should mean $$$. Friday I will be off in the morning the evening maybe another story. And after that I have no idea what is going on.
In regards to having Thanksgiving here at the house. Last week I got my room cleaned up and ready to go but I still have to get the cubbyhole room cleaned up in the next two days. My dad on the other hand has not finished doing any of what he started in the kitchen and its super frustrating. I wish he wouldnt half ass do things. Either do it and finish it in a reasonable amount of time or just dont even start the shit.
Oh, and one last thing. I have a ticket to Rob Zombie tomorrow and I am not going. Here is the deal. My friend Cheech bought me two concert tickets, a tshirt, and a lamp for my birthday plus took me to dinner a few days after my birthday. That is WAY too much. We dated a few years ago for a short time. But he never has gotten over me. He has been obsessed with my friend Laura before me and now I feel he is still obsessed with me. I am not trying to encourage this behavior. Plus the concert tickets feel like I am being trapped or pushed into spending time with him whether I want to or not. So, I have lied and told my friend Jeremy I feel sick and I am giving him the ticket for tomorrow. I will lie to Cheech tomorrow and tell him I am sick and thats why I am giving Jeremy the ticket. I know its messed up, but this is the only way I know how to handle this. I do not want to be forced to spend time with someone. It makes me uncomfortable and I have someone I want to be with and its not Cheech. I admit I have made a mistake by not being straightforward and telling him that I have serious feelings for Chase and that he has no chance anymore but its hard to be so mean and blunt and hurt a friend. But thats what this is going to come down to. Telling him I have someone and its not him and it wont be EVER.
So, there you go, until next week, prolly this coming Sunday....

This weeks nothingness

Well, as I mentioned last week not too much exciting was happening this week. Went to dinner with Pat and that was fun, we went to Mitchell's Fish Market and it was good. We caught up on everything thats happened in the last few months but other than that no real news. Went to Columbus for the Trivium and Chimaira show. It was excellent, Chimaira only got to play an 8 song set because they werent headlining but I enjoyed there song choices and stage presence. Trivium was wonderful, they played quite a few songs from there second album Ascendancy, which is my favorite. The lead singer and guitarist came out into the could twice and played, litterally not two feet in front of me and Cheech so that was sweet. And they finished the set with my FAVORITE of their songs! So, that made the trip to Columbus worth it. The only other thing I did this week was on Friday, I called JoJo cause I was going to try to go to eat dinner with them since I had no plans. But JoJo was super sick and turned out Bob went to Beattyville for General Beach's funeral. My mom was over at JoJo's at the time taking care of her. So, since all my family opitions for the evening were spent, I decided to go to the mall. Bad idea when you are alone and a tad depressed on Friday night. I spent WAY too much money, but I havent taken the tags off the jeans I bought I think I will take them back. Hopefully, I can get JoJo to take me to the store and she can buy the same ones and I can return the ones I bought, its sneaky I know but I need the jeans but dont wanna pay for them... Anywho, I am almost to the point of this story. I ate dinner alone at the bar in the El Nopal in the mall, and decided I was going to stop by work on the way home. I was like 930 and we start to slow down then plus Chase was working in the bar. I got there and Chris (my boss and Chase's dad) was likr Davey (the other bartendar) I am buying Shelby a drink. So, it just went from there. A few drinks later Davey was like ready for another and I said no and he poured another. Then the next time he took my dup when it was empty and Chase was like, "Man, shes not going to be able to drive herself home," so then Davey poured a stiff one and I figured Chase was taking me home. Unforunately, Chase also had to take Zach Ryan home so we went there first which is on Poplar Level by St. X, which if oyu dont know is REALLY far from my and Chase's homes. So, we take him home and then head back to my house, of course this is the first time in MONTHS my dad is home on a Friday night, but that didnt stop anything... My only comment is to not be drunk and have sex in a truck, you may not notice the steering wheel at your back or your knee inbetween the door and the seat at the time but the next day and perhaps the day after you sure will.
That was all the excitement I had this week. In regards to school, I took a math test that I think I may have gotten a 100% on. Then I have a test in A&P tomorrow night and I really should be studying for but I have no motivation for some reason today. So, I will do the norm and cram tomorrow after math. The worst part about the test is I have to stay until 7 after I finish the test for lab... BOO! I may go to the computer lab for a bit, or I guess she might open the lab for me so I can look over the muscles before lab as practice. Blah, thats the thing that sucks about being a quick test taker is waiting for everyone else to take the test. Normally, I would just leave but I dont need to skip this lab its over muscles of the appendages and I should be there. Especially, since the next week we are dissecting a sheep brain and then the following week is the practical test.
This week I dont think that much will happen. Lets look at the calendar shall we... Thats right its totally empty. Well, Saturday night is Laura's friends Thanksgiving. If I am going I am supposed to take some food. I guess I might I have no other plans so I suppose I should. I guess I am going to see what JoJo is doing on Tuesday and Friday then I have school on Monday and Wednesday all day, and work Thursday through Sunday but thats only in the morning. My life is boring. But I have no money to be spending, so not much I can do to change it. I used to fill my spare time with smoking but thats so demotivating I dont need to do that. Or pay for it.
So, I cant think of a decent way to wrap this up, so until next time...

I forgot

Oh, and one last thing... My sister-in-law got H1N1, but when she went to the doctor they simply said she had "the flu". My niece, Diana who is like a year and half old, had gotten the seasonal flu shot, so they werent worried. But of course she got H1N1 from her mother. They had to take her to the hospital and she had a 104.2 degree fever. Now Ashley is pretty much better but Diana is fighting it off. Luckily her fever is no longer that high. Ashley is of course pissed because had they clarified at the doctor she had swine they would have sent the baby to stay at Kurt's mom's house rather than keeping her under the same roof. So, we are hoping she gets over it and fast. Chad and I spent an evening with Kurt and Diana right before she got sick but after she had been exposed. Also luckily, they say if you are going to get it then you will get it within 8 hours of exposure, so if she was going to give it to us we should have gotten sick by now. Keeping my fingers crossed I dont get this horrible swine shit thats going around. I cant afford to miss school, esp not since I am doing well, it will hurt my grade so much. And I monetarily cant afford to miss work cause in life there are these stupid things called bills....

Not much new

So, I am trying to get into the habit of blogging more often. Leslie gave me a hint on how to get a background for my blog, but I suck at the internet so I couldnt figure it out. It gave me some teenagers looking site that wanted me to download a toolbar, no thanks webfetti, Ill figure it out later. Seems like if I need to find something on the internet someone has to be here to show me.
Chase went to Alabama this weekend to see his sister and he was going to go to the Alabama LSU game but they couldnt get him another ticket, and his sister had a student ticket so he watched it in a bar. Today they were supposed to go to Birmingham to go shopping, I hope his weekend wasnt a total bust, but I know he needed to get out of town and away from the restuarant. I just hope we get to hang out this week.
As for school, I got a 98% on my last math test, so I definitely have an A there and I got a 95.3% on my last lab test in A&P so, now i have a 91% average! Thats awesome, I really want an A in this class and I hope I get it. I havent decided on a class to choose yet, but I am looking into taking the Chemistry class online and then I can deal with the time issue. And if I have to drop it I wont feel so bad. But if I have to take it online it will have to be through the Elizabethtown Campus, so I am inquiring to that as an issue at the moment.
I had to moles, removed from my back last week and the spots hurt so bad. But they were raised and I kept scratching them and that was also painful. I suppose in a few days they will be healed and then I wont have anymore issues with them. The dermatologist also gave me some prescription for my face because my chin has been outta control for months now. Although she did tell me it will be a few months before you can really see the results. So, double edged sword I suppose.
This week I do have some actual plans. I know amazing, right? I will be going to dinner with my step-dad Pat (really he is my ex-step-dad but I dont like that title, esp since he is my 2nd ex-step-dad) I have no idea where we are going to go of course I have to decide, all I know is we are goin Tuesday night. Then Saturday I am going to Colombus with Brian for a Trivium and Chimaira show. I should really be more excited about it but I am not looking forward to the drive esp since I will be working Saturday morning, the morning of the concert, and Sunday morning the morning after. And we have to take my car cause his is a POS. I a thinking I will drive up there and make him drive back. That way I can sleep or at least not drive 6 hours in one day. Oh, and my favorite show Sons of Anarchy is having a 90 minute episode Tuesday so I am looking forward to that, and hoping Chase will come over and watch it or at least come by afterward.
Well, thats all for this week.

For Leslie

Well, as my good and oldest (meaning longest not oldest) friend Leslie pointed out I have not updated my blog recently. I should do this more often so I get in a better habit of it. But what I really need to do is figure out how to customize it like Leslie does hers. And add pictures, because right now its a boring blog and not so visually stimulating.
Moving on~ Recently I turned 25, yes, 25. I have to say off top that I really expected a lot out of my life by now and thought that things would be very different for me than they are now. I am not dissapointed in my life, I just would like a few things to be farther along than they are. But back to the birthday in general, the day itself was great. Got up went to lunch with JoJo and mom, then to the mall with them. JoJo bought me a two sweaters and a pair of boots and gave me a gift card for $50 to White House Black Market. Then I bought another pair of boots with the money mom and Cheri Beri gave me for my birthday. Then I went to White House Black Market in the Summit (because the one we went to in the mall that I got my sweaters at didnt have the right size of the pair of jeans I wanted) I got lucky and my size was in! So, I got them with the gift card and a little of the extra left from the boot purchase. It was a good shopping day. After that I spent the rest of the afternoon, getting ready for the evening and waiting for Chase. He called around 600 said he was going to shower and would be over. Luckily, for my birthday my dad was going to stay at his girlfriends so I could feel like an adult and not like I live with my dad. Chase came over and we hung out for a bit before dinner. We smoked, I hadnt smoked in 9 weeks and I got quite high. I have been trying not to smoke and concentrate on school. Then we went to Bonefish for dinner. It was great. He had the Ahi tuna and I had swordfish with a crab cake on top. The dinner was wonderful. After that we could have gone to Fox and Hound with people from work but I had a test the next day and I was afraid that I would get too trashed, being that it was my birthday and my coworkers would have no mercy. Instead we went to see Zombieland, yes I had already seen it but it was great and Chase hadnt so we went. After that we came back to my house and had some adult time.
The following weekend, was Halloween weekend, so my friends and I had planned to have a joint party for me and the holiday. My friend Leslie and her husband Adam were able to come. And David and Maci, Chase's younger brother and his gf. Other than that the group was our regular crew. Pretty much everyone was in costume and we all had a great time, in my opinion, really. Although, at 3 am I did call my mom and have her come get me so I could sleep in my old house on Chestnut St. in my little brothers bed (he was out of town) because I hate sleeping at other peoples homes and on an air mattress no less, blah. All in all I feel the party was a sucess.
As for school, things are going quite well, I know I am getting an A in my math course and I am having an odd pattern in my A&P grades. My test grades in A&P have gone like this 89, 91, 89, 91 so far. So, I just took a test Monday I dont have my grade back for it but I would guess I got an 89, lol. I guess we will see. My biggest problem with school is next semester. I have signed up for my classes but I am trying to figure out what I am going to do. I want to get into the radiography program, and I have a friend who says they can help me get an interview for the program and tell me what I need to say. So, I am feeling a little confident at the moment of getting into the program, not awesome but better than I previously did. Therefore, I really only need to take the rest of my classes to get into radiography, rather than my back up idea of going into dental hygiene. So, I was going to take Chemistry in case I need to go to U of L for dental hygiene, but I was instead going to take physics 171 to help with radiography. This is the issue both are on Tuesday Thursday one starts at 10 am the other at 545 pm. I do not want to take 2 classes only on one day and have a 5 hour gap inbetween them. One of them has to go, the problem is do I bank on radiography? Or do the safe thing and take the Chem?? Right now I am enrolled in both classes but I have to decide before tuition is due which to drop. ARGH! Life is confusing. I wish it was easier to get into this program and did not have to be so stressed about it!
Well, the only negative news I have is the day after my birthday. Like I said before, my birthday was excellent very positive and I felt good about it. But the next morning I woke up with a terrible feeling in my stomach. Within an hour I was in tears. To this day I have no idea why. I cried all morning 45 minutes getting ready and then all the way to school, I was just sad the rest of the day. I dont know what my deal was but I suppose it passed.
On another Chase note, I kind of feel more positive about things. He has been a lot better lately. More apt to spend time with me, wanted to take me out for my birthday it was his idea and he asked me. The other day he was texting me and it lasted a long time, and he kind of slipped up, I guess you could say. I said something about school and the job I will one day have making money, and he said "And Ill be asleep while you are at work." So, I replied with "Oh, so now that Ill be making money you are thinking of keeping me around, huh?" Jokingly of course and he just said "You never know." I am starting to feel more positive about things with him. But it has been a year and I need something to be solid. I guess after the holidays I will have to grow some balls and figure out what is going on. Time for another ultimatium, but I kinda suck at sticking to them. Blah... I do need to get my shit together in regards to him, because there is an actually good guy I have known for a long time that I would hate to turn down and run off for no reason. Why is life so complicated?

Lately

So, its been rough. Went to two weddings out of town two weeks in a row. Above are picture with Tiff and Kelly at each of their weddings. Yeah, I know same dress... They were both very nice and beautiful and I am happy for their unions. But all the travel wore me out. Maine for 4 days then TN for 2. Plus school in between with 3 tests the day before I left for Maine. It was a bit crazy.
Luckily, I took a 3 week hiatus from work. I was trying it to help with stress, gain my weight back, deal with the Chase situation, and go out of town a lot. And it did help with some of those things. I have gone back to work, but I am working only Thursday through Sunday mornings. I gained back 8 lbs at last check, still could use 6 more but I may have gained them since my last doctors visit. My travels were safe and successful, but as for the Chase situation... Still in the same place. But I am just going to go with it. It has been a year now and I really do not know what else to do.
Yesterday Chad and I, my dad's youngest son- so my youngest brother, got in a huge fight. Which all I can figure was about his resentment toward me. But the thing is I am not even sure what it is he resents. He just kept saying crazy things weird comments and accusations that didnt even correspond or make any sense. I almost moved out of my house. I shouldnt have to feel under attack in my own house, I mean he doesnt even live here and he acts like I have no right to be here or something. Its weird I dont understand. But my dad and I talked and I am staying but this situation needs to be fixed.
I am a little upset with my so-called friends. On a good note Chad and Tiffany are being so gracious as to let us have a Halloween/My 25 Birthday Party at there home. But immediately after having made the plans to have said party, Laura and Tiff made plans to be Charlie's Angels with Kristen, Tiff's neighbor, which they have known substantially less than me. Oh, and I was in the room, thanks guys I am no one and this is supposed to be half my party awesome. Then Laura sends Tiff a facebook remark about how Amy is coming to town and she wants the girls to get together Sunday afternoon and go to Hubers. Awesome, I was the one who asked in September if we were going to Hubers this year and then I was completely left out of the entire thing. Tiff, was like "lol, Shelby she said girls", but she was just covering. Then I just sent out my facebook invites to the party and Simon, whom is Lauras cousin and a very intricate part of the group responded with a "maybe" RSVP to my party. That really hurts, I never ask anyone for anything or to come to anything and I haven't had a birthday party since I turned 21 and he wasnt living in town then and he cant even come to my party. I realize its on Halloween, but what else is he going to do? Go to 4th Street and NOT go home with a girl? Thats a better option and if he is going to someone elses party thats bullshit. We may not be friends like we are now if he doesnt come.
On a better note, there is my friend Adam. Really he is Tiffanys friend/other half that I have stolen. Dont be confused now, Tiff is married to Chad but her and Adam are like the same person. Its a long and complicated explanation. But it all goes back to "the philosophy". A new way for me too look at life. It is helping but slowly. Taking things one day at a time. Learning more and more. Anyway, Adam has a lot of insight and is helping me through all my issues.
That is all for now. This was a last minute post and is kinda jumbled but no one really reads this anyway...

Maine was good, things are bad

Well, do not know where to start really. Both of my parents are unemployed and neither are doing well with their relationships. My dad's girlfriend broke things off with him, because he quit a job that was making him miserable. I do not mind much because she thought she was too good for us anyway. But I hate for him to be sad and alone. It was nice for him to have someone. Then my mom and Ray are on the cusp, he is only really good for her emotionally and not in any other way. I think he is just a user in every sense of the word. Then mom got laid off last week so that does not help her situation at all.
I went to my aunts wedding in Maine this past weekend and it was very nice. The countryside there is beautiful. We saw some lighthouses, including the one in Forrest Gump (see the picture), and ate some great food, walked in the woods a little. The wedding went very well, unbfortunately it rained the entire day but the wedding was beautiful nonetheless and besides they say that its good luck to rain on our wedding day. It was a very small wedding only about 30 people so it was very intimate and nice.
I have quit my job and that is good. But it is boring sometimes and I do not like not having my own money to do what I please with. School seems to be doing well. I got a 91 on my first lab test. I am hoping for similar results on my 2nd lecture test and my math test. The math test I should know about tomorrow when I go back to school. I am also going to see the advisor tomorrow to figure out which classes I want to take next semester, so I will be prepared to go to either the radiographer program or get ready for U of L and dental hygiene.
I would have liked to take Buddy to the park today but it was sort of cold. I was thinking of going to mom's for dinner but she is not feeling well. So, I am just wasting as much time today as possible. Some of the girls are going out to drinks tonight at 9 but I cannot go. One I have no money, two ill miss my show at 10, but three (the most weight-bearing one) I am taking this 24 hour pee test and I have to keep my pee for 24 hours in a container and I cannot very well go out anywhere and collect my pee and carry this container around. So, anything I do today has to be short lived.
Carolyn has been induced today, her baby is not recieving the nutrients it needs. She will be 3 weeks early and when Carolyn went to the doctor 2 weeks ago the baby only weighed 4 lbs. So, I suppose the baby will be living in an incubator in the NICU for a little while before going home. I hope that things turn out well for her and the delivery goes fine.
That is all for now, hoping things all turn around and end up for the best.

i am done

So, today sucked. I had a glucose test (and a few others ran with all the blood they took) and the test took 4 hours, I couldnt eat for 13 hours, and they stuck me like 7 times. I look like a heroin addict. Seriously, I have bruises and puncture holes on both my arms, its ridiculous. I am just now feeling normal. All day I have been so weak, and I ate two meals in like 3 hours! But my body is finally reachieving homeostasis.
Speaking of, I have finished 3 weeks of classes and took my first A&P test. I think that I did well there were only 5 questions I was unsure of and there were two extra credit questions, so I am feeling pretty good about it. I was the 3rd person done with my test but thats just how I am with tests. I know the answer or I dont and so I answer and move on.
One more small thing, ok so not so small. I am putting in my two weeks on Sunday, I cannot work there anymore. I am going to tell them its because of all these health issues and school. But thats only part of the problem. I just cant work with Chase anymore, even if they day is fine with him there after I leave it just goes so horrible and I feel terrible. Today we talked, and its been a month since I called things off if he couldnt be what I needed from him, and today he reassured me that he is not going to be able to change his mind. That its not me and its not us, that he just cant be an us right now. I cant live with this. And the only way for me to get over it is to distance myself from him. He still breaks my heart everyday and I just cant continue to cry over this anymore. He cant be what I need and I cant move on looking at him every few days. I have to leave there and the time has come. At least I have my JoJo to help me with money until and if I get another job.

Update

So, I havent been on here lately, almost too much has been happening. The short story, is I have cut myself off from the boy I am in love with and have been waiting for now for 10 months. I cannot wait for him anymore because I am starting to believe I was waiting for nothing the entire time. But this isnt easy, I have to work with him and his ENTIRE family, needless to say I may not be there too much longer if things dont get any better. I am tired of him just acting like we are friends and thats all its ever been it just infuriates me. I suppose its his indifference to the situation that upsets me, but really he has been nothing but indifference forever now so again this is just something to get over. I just wish I could get over him altogether.
Then my mom who is sick, she has CLL, which is a complicated type of leukemia. And she had to have surgery to fix her bladder that got messed up when she had her hysterectomy. This took place on Thursday, a surgery that was supposed to take 2 and a half hours, ended up taking 6 and a half hours. The doctor did a horrible job of telling us what was going on and why it was taking so long. Then after the surgery not only did we have to wait in this little room to talk to the doctor, but when she showed up she was defensive and making excuses. I was just furious with the entire thing. But it doesnt end there, ever since the surgery my mom has been stuck in the hospital because her o2 levels in her blood are dangerously low. They kept asking if she was a smoker or had emphasema or COPD, which obviuosly is not the case. I am just worn out I had three days off and spent 90% of the time in the hospital. But at least now my mom is ok and going home, well to JoJo's where she needs to stay for at least a week in my opinion.
There are also some shitty things going on with me and my health, but I dont feel like going into any detail until I get some answers myself.
School starts tomorrow, part of me wants my classes to get out early and not have to do anything, but the other part of me wants to jump in and get going, plus if I dont really have class tomorrow then I will have WAY too much down time in between my classes. But if thats the case I have a friend I want to try to surprise.....
We will see how tomrrow goes, another day, and slightly closer to moving on...

Laziness

I suppose it is not all just laziness, but a lack of things to say. I have things to say, but sometimes I just cannot bring myself to put them down. I am doing very well in my summer english class. Seems like I might be doing the best of everyone from what my teacher says, and my grades prove. It makes me feel good in some ways, it proves I can write at least halfway decent, but that means I should write more. I have been thinking about writing down all the things I did and lived through from when I was 15 to more recently, and a few stories from my childhood. But I cannot do it because I cannot remember things in the right order long enough to articulate it with some decent diction. I have a crappy memory, its not that I do not remember the events I just get so caught up one little part and I forget the next. Or its that I am remember the event so rapidly but I cannot write as quick as I think and the wonderful wording in my head is lost before I can get it on the paper. These things are frustrating me and my ideas of writing. Back to laziness, I think I might take a nap....

Watch out world, now I have a myspace, a facebook, and this blog, I am overloaded on internet society. Find me!

Clumsy

So, tonight I mis-stepped, again, and hurt my ankle, again. A month or so ago, I twisted my left ankle inside and popped my lateral malleolus. Well, tonight I did the same thing, except this time it hurt SO much worse. I almost cried. Chase made me keep ice on it until it went numb then it wasn't so bad, so I was greatful he was there to make me keep the ice on it because at first the ice made it hurt really bad too and I was being stubborn and not holding the ice on it. This time it swelled right away, last time it almost didnt swell at all until the next day. So, let' s all keep our fingers crossed my ankle isnt all fucked up this time.....

Short Story

So, my last paper in my summer class will be either comparing my life to a short story, or writing a short story. When I was a kid I used to write all kinds of books, but they were silly little kid books, the point is I always wanted to be a writer. Then one day I realized it was a lot harder than it seemed and I just sorta gave up on the idea of ever being a good enough writer to write a story people would want to read. Well, I have figured out there is a way I can write a good story, my life experience. My teacher has made us study the connection between these short stories and the life of the author. It has become very obvious that the stories are very much in reflection of the authors life. As many of my friends know, I have been through and lived through some interesting shit. Now I am just trying to decide what story to write. (Dont worry I will be changing names and small details) I have a few good ideas of what to write about.... I am just interested to see if it works out. I might break a dam and put my entire life into short stories. Definitely cant publish that until the parents are passed.....

First Day of Summer School

If you notice my little description of myself is just that, little. Today, as my homework, in addition to reading A LOT about reading and writing about short stories, I had to write a "letter of introduction". I am not good at this, and what I did write made me feel very uninteresting and behind. I mean, I am doing good things, going to school, working a lot, taking care of the house, but I just expected more from myself. I SHOULD have finished school already and I should NOT have let a few people take me down in the past. But now I have to get over that and keep going until I catch up with myself....

Currently...

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